I saw this coming. Raping my blog with emo-posts. Yay! That's my supersecret way of facing the fact that I am all alone. He's still there, in my heart. We're still us. But the pain of not having him here, right next to me, is too much to handle alone.
I'm sitting here - all alone. Thinking about those moments when I felt complete, loved and beautiful. I want to feel beautiful again.
I don't feel like I have that many to talk to, it's like walking in the dark without guidance - never sure if you're walking in the right direction.
But there's always that someone who's always there for you - whenever you need him. My best friend. Even tho he doesn't always understand completely - he still tired to.
While I'm waiting for the day I finally will see him again I relieve all the precious moments in my head.
They make me stronger. They make it easier to wait, even tho it sucks and I can't wait. I want to hug & kiss you - right now.
I'm trying to follow my own advice - spend a lot of time with the friends who make you laugh. But it's not easy to laugh when I feel so aline, broken or simply empty.
He's thinking of me, I know that. Why can't that just be enough? Just for a little while - until we meet again.
Not being with him leaves me with a constant fear. A fear of losing him - in one way or another. And that's usually when the jealousy kicks in. I become some sort of a monster. The jealousy will only push him further away - but I can't help being scared.
I've given him all of me, all the tiny pieces that are left of me, and the mess of a person that I've become. He's the only one who's got enough of me to break my heart. I trust that he won't.