Thursday, March 3

70 - He's gone now.

He's gone now. On his way home, to Sweden. I'm broken, it hurts. I don't want to be alone, not now - not today. The day he was going home would be just as painful even if it was in two weeks, but there's something "special" about this day - today.

I'm gonna write something that might be "over the top", too honest maybe. Seven years ago today was my best friends birthday, but six years ago that changed - not because we stopped being friends. But due to another tragic event that was going to ruin this day for the rest of my life. Six years ago, today, I lost my stepfather, he was the only father I ever had - since my biological father bailed on me when I was only a few weeks old. My stepfather was in a coma, and we were holding on to all the hope we could possibly find in our hearts, minds and souls that he would live to talk about it. The thing is that he never woke up. Six years ago I lost my only chance of ever having a father. I mourn the loss of him every day, but I try to focus on the good stuff - all the things the taught me. But today it's difficult to put all the bad feelings aside, 'cause today is a reminder of what happened six years ago.
I'm broken in pieces, and I'm constantly trying to glue myself back together. Luckily I found someone who's willing to help me put the pieces back in place, or at least try to make them fit. I'm so grateful that I found someone who accepts me as I am, and instead of trying to "fix" me so that I will be just the way he planned, he's trying to help me put the pieces back - in order to make me whole again.

I love you Dennis, and I will never let you go.

I miss you dad, and I will never forget you - or the things you taught me.

I haven't slept yet, I think it's about time.