Saturday, December 18

48 - The sharp knife of a short life

Sometimes I feel like death is stalking me, I sometimes feel like everything I touch dies. When I was 4 years old I experienced losing someone who meant the world to me, she used to babysit me all the time - I loved being at her place. She died of cancer, she was too young to go.

A few years later, when I was 8 or 9, I can't really remember 'cause my mind has tried to overwrite it... Someone who should've been close to me died. He was never really a part of my life, but he was and will always be a part of me and who I am.

It didn't take long until I was to meet my "friend" death once again.. I was about 13 years old when the only person I've ever thought of as a real father went into a coma. Knowing that we couldn't save him broke my mom's heart. I forced myself to be her rock that she could lean on, which made it impossible for me to show her that I was hurting too. That's when we moved to Aalesund, to escape everything that reminded us about him.

After moving I honestly thought that I'd be able to live as a normal teenager, but I was wrong. The following 6 years, every summer someone close to me or close to someone really close to me would disappear. Most of my friends have no suffered a great loss. A loss of their best friend(s), a sister, a brother, a mother, a father.

I lost a friend of mine. He died just a few days before his 18th birthday. It came as a shock to all of us who knew him. He was known as a troublemaker, but he was so much more than that. He was a real friend to those who got close to him. He was the guy who always smiled, laughed and made everyone around feel good. We all miss him, and I admit that I still look for him when I'm at the place he spent most of his time.

This all comes down to that I can't decide if I like living in at a small place, where you know of everyone and in 99% of the cases that means that if something happens for good or for worse you'll know it within the next 24 hours, and the chances of you knowing people involved in whatever happened is way too big. And turns out the only things happening here are tragedies.

So to all of you that's ever lost someone... I feel for you, and to my friends: I'm here for you - always.